Member’s Perspective: Reflections and highlights from the FDR Hui
I was thrilled to be part of the Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) Hui, hosted by AMINZ in Wellington 24-25 October of this year. Being new to NZ FDR, I was keen on meeting other FDR practitioners and to gain greater insight into the processes and challenges of FDR in NZ. The Hui was the first in-person Hui since 2017. Although technology connects us all no matter where in the world we are, nothing builds relationships like in person interaction. It is during the breaks, the lunches, the dinners, that fellow FDR-practitioners truly connect.
Earlier this year I did a course on Child Inclusive Mediation – Bridging the Gap. It reminded me that in this industry, we have many gaps to bridge. The Hui intended to do just that: to bridge the gap between the various role players in family dispute resolution. This was evident from the variety of speakers. David Robinson kicked off the Hui by illuminating the history of FDR in New Zealand and urged us to do our part in lobbying for FDR to become an essential part of the legislative process.
Nurit Zubery’s definition of culture and her explanation of the differences between individualistic and collectivist cultures highlighted the almost unavoidable challenges intercultural couples face. The ‘coherent, shared view about what is important and what attitudes and behaviours are appropriate’ can differ greatly between cultures. Couple that with different communication- and conflict styles, and you have a fail-proof recipe for family disputes to arise. She highlighted the need of a culture map, collaboration, and the importance of rangatiratanga (self-determination): the autonomy of parties to find their own solutions.
Yashika Chandkok & Dr Graye Greenwood dug deeper into the intercultural complexities of FDR mediation and emphasised the importance of listening beyond what is being said in order to discover the underlying reasons for the conflict. Some valuable information on how to keep families safe online were shared by Keri Morris Digital Harms Resolution Officer at Netsafe New Zealand and David Robinson.
Simon Dadley-Moore discussed the importance of Pre-Mediation Meetings (PMM) in preparing parties for a constructive mediation. Rosemarie Brown pointed out how the Initial Mediation Meeting (IMM) is vital to assess the appropriateness of mediation and to pick up on warning signs, like possible family violence.
No mediation Hui can be complete without addressing the challenges of high conflict emotions in FDR. David Stebbing reiterated the importance of understanding the roots of high conflict family disputes. Acknowledging emotions is the first step in establishing non-violent communication for constructive dialogue.
Tarryn Skilling explained how Child Inclusion Specialists can help parents view their situation from the child’s perspective, while enabling the mediator to maintain neutrality. She explained the benefits of child-focused psycho-education in empowering parents to make child-focused changes. Suzanne Alliston and Bill Rainey elaborated on mediator and child specialist interactions.
Some valuable insights into Tikanga-based restorative processes where an offence caused a breach between the offender and the victim were shared by Helen Bowen and Lance Ryan. Authentic participation, sincerity and apology can go a long way in restoring the balance. Rhion Munro shared some strength-based approaches to working with Queer Youth and offered valuable insights into the factors mediators need to consider.
I am unable to single out one presentation. FDR is complex and none of the matters addressed can be ignored. Evident from various discussions with other FDRP’s, was that every mediation is unique. What worked in one mediation is not necessarily the best option for another. My big take away is that we cannot work in this industry in isolation. Collaboration, networking and support is vital among everyone involved in FDR. Well done, Fairway on sponsoring an excellent Hui. The food and venue were great. The knowledge and experience of the various attendees contributed greatly to FDR collaboration.
Finally, I would like to thank AMINZ who made it possible for me to attend the FDR Hui 2024. AMINZ endeavours to advance professional development of its members. Excellence, integrity and collegiality in FDR is of utmost importance to them. I am proud to be a member of an organisation that not only holds their members to an ethical code, but also strives to equip them with the knowledge and skills to become the most capable ADR practitioners in the industry.
Mediator & Divorce Coach.